FUNNY EVERYDAY QUOTES

Are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today.

Don't let your mind wander, it's far too small to be let out on its own.

When I look into your eyes, I see straight through to the back of your head.

You are not as bad as people say, you are much, much worse.


If we killed everybody who hates you, it wouldn't be murder would be an apocalypse!

If you were twice as smart as you are now, you'd be absolutely stupid.

People would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.

You're a habit I'd like to kick - with both feet.

Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway. 

The road to success is still under construction.